The 80’s gave us so many great things. Whether it was greed, Valley Girls or Thriller, the awesomeness was off the charts. But hands down, the best 80’s gift that keeps on giving to this day is the “Slow Clap.” For anyone under 25, the slow clap is the moment in a movie where the story and our journey with the characters all comes together. The battle has been won, or people deserve praise for their efforts and the filmmakers tie everything up in a bow of orgasmic clarity and often lump in the throatness. Even the strongest of people cannot resist the raw emotion that the slow clap brings to a film. And the world owes a debt to it for it has helped to advance humanity.
It gives me great pleasure to bring to you, the definitive list of movie’s all-time greatest slow claps.
10. REVENGE OF THE NERDS
This is more of a slow clap mixed with some slow music and some slow people slowly deciding to unite with the nerds and THEN the slow clapping into the loud clapping. But boy does it all work. Yeah, I’ve paid my dues. Time after time. Just like you guys. I did my sentence, but I committed no crime. I’m smart? Big deal. That’s my crime? The cool thing was that when this movie came out we didn’t know for sure that nerds would end up running the world. But they did. And I think the momentum they needed to do it, started with this particular slow clap. The ending was the driving force behind the technological revolution that occurred in the 90’s. You go, Louis and Gilbert! And thank you for the internet!
09. NOT ANOTHER TEEN MOVIE
Although, I frown upon anyone making fun of the slow clap in any way, this was done perfectly. It just goes to show how the slow clap is an important part of American history and that parody is the sincerest form of flattery. It’s a long clip, but it’s worth it to witness a man who could have used a friend like me(An expert in the art of the slow clap), but he’ll pick it up on his own one day. And God bless his effort, in multiple scenarios, to lift people up to a higher consciousness.
08. JERSEY GIRL
Who can resist Ben Affleck embarrassing himself on stage in a school talent show with a little girl? Not me! In one of Kevin Smith’s better films, he needs a big ending. Without a big ending, you have Mallrats. Knowing, he didn’t want another Mallrats on his hands, not that there was anything wrong with that film, Kevin went for the big ending. And a big ending he gets with a fantastic slow clap. I believe it was this slow clap that enabled Kevin Smith to get funding for his next three films. Thank you, slow clap!
Hoosiers is on almost every list of great sports movies in Hollywood history. You can’t help but believe that a good amount of credit goes to..you guessed it…a well placed slow clap. It can make a good move great and a great movie a classic!! And a great locker room slow clap could provide all the motivation a team might need to win themselves a championship. Slow Claps = Championships. You heard it here first.
06. CITIZEN KANE
Well well well, the so called “Greatest Movie of All Time” ends up on the list. I have found that to be a very debatable subject over the years, but usually because I fall asleep ten minutes into the film. I never knew it had, potentially, the first slow clap in movie history. Orson Welles WAS a genius. And a slow clap surely can lift a movie into being considered the greatest movie of all time. And that must be what happened here. I guess. One day, I’ll watch it. Admittedly, the entire slow clap is done oddly. The timing is off. The reaction of the crowd is off. Obviously, it would be a few more years before the slow clap was perfected and developed into a cinematic device of undeniable power. But this was the first hint of the power and emotion to come. Thanks, Orson.
05. MYSTERY, ALASKA
What can you say about “Mystery, Alaska” that hasn’t already been said? Tremendous cast, including Russell Crowe and Burt Reynolds, and a small town that needs a victory. A town that needs to have their moral boosted. It’s too cold up there!! They need something! They’re dying up there!! Anyway, something happens and the local Hockey team gets to play the NY RANGERS, one of the most abysmal franchises in the history of professional sports. Maybe the town hockey players won. Wouldn’t be surprising playing the Rangers. But maybe they didn’t. I’ll tell you something, it doesn’t matter. When your town’s people and hockey players give everything they have, they deserve a slow clap. And by God, they get one. A great one. Well done, Burt. Well done. Let’s go Islanders.
04. COOL RUNNINGS
Cool Runnings is on almost everybody’s favorite sports movies list. How could Jamaica have a bobsled team? They live near the equator. It’s too hot! Ice melts!! Where are they gonna practice!? Do they even have a bobsled!!? Where do you get a bobsled if you don’t have one! This can’t possibly work!! Ahhh, but they had a secret weapon. John Candy. If you have John Candy on your side, there’s nothing you can’t do. ‘Nuff Said. The team’s performance brought them great respect and this well deserved slow clap can and has brought grown men to tears.
Rudy Ruettiger. The never-say-die kid who worked his butt off to get into Notre Dame and play football for the Irish. He believed he had it in him to run through that tunnel with his gold helmet shining in the sun. He believed even though he was 5 foot nuthin’, a 100 and nuthin’. His brothers didn’t think he could do it. His own dad didn’t think he had a chance. Roc, from the show Roc, doubted him, but Roc, from the show Roc, helped him. And through hard work and insane perseverance, Rudy earned that chance to dress with the team and run on to that field. But the coach took that chance away, because he was short-sighted and heartless. Once Rudy found out he wasn’t going to dress, he quit. It was understandable. We were all furious! It was all a waste! But after a pep talk from Roc, from the show Roc, he went back to practice saying “You won’t get the best of me.” His teammates respected that and gave him a slow clap only a champion deserves.
02. CAN’T BUY ME LOVE
The Ronster! If the Ronster is doing it, it must be cool. The Ronster was the man. Whether he was dating Cindy Mancini or inventing the African Anteater Dance. He was the IT boy. But it was all a mirage. He paid his way in. He didn’t earn it. And eventually his “The World is Yours” empire came crashing down. He hurt a lot of people, but the person he wanted to hurt the least was his best friend Kenneth AKA The Worman. But he did. He threw poop on his house. But even though they were no longer friends, in an act of true bravery, Ronald stops Kenneth from getting beat up during lunch for doing nothing wrong except trying to help a girl with her school work. Ronald gives a speech that’s up there with the great speeches in modern history. A speech that rings true to this day!!! That all this separation of people..”cool, nerds, your side, my side…it’s all bullshit.” It’s all bullshit, people. Don’t you see that!? The Ronster did and he gets one of the most deserved slow clap tributes in cinematic history.
Lucas was one of the best 80’s movies of all time. It had Charlie Sheen and Corey Haim and great music and an underdog story that no one could resist. Lucas was an outcast. A short, skinny oddball that was new to town. He was befriended by a couple of the older kids, but was never accepted by “the cool kids.” And in an act of desperation, for that acceptance, he got his clock rocked when trying to play football. Like in the real game. With real athletes three times his size. Quite frankly, he coulda been killed. But he wasn’t. Thank God. He healed and he came back to school. He held his head high and received, in my opinion, the greatest slow clap of all time. And this was, in my opinion, THE slow clap that started the whole genre. That’s why Lucas gets the #1 spot. RIP, Corey Haim. I hope you got a slow clap at the gates of heaven, buddy. Unfortunately, there’s no single clip of the Lucas slow clap, but it’s montaged in this scene. Watch for the start at 20 seconds and then the hands in the sky victory moment at 1:12. And enjoy the rest of this heartfelt piece on one of the most emotion tugging devices ever used in film.
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